Self love

साइकिल पे आया एक भईया, जिसने पहना सफेद धोती और कुर्ता, पगड़ी उसकी कभी लाल कभी नीली, हर दिन रंग बदलती सपने बेचता रंग बिरंगे; इंद्रधनुषी, गुलाबी गुब्बारों मे आवाज़ लगाता "सपने ले लो सपने..... नेया" बच्चे बड़े सब बाहर आ जाते, गोला बना उसको पूछते , कितने में है ये सपने? वो कहता ,"पहले सपने तो बताओ फिर दाम भी बता दूंगा, अगर हुआ तो मुफ्त भी कर दूंगा!!" बच्चे बड़े सब खुश हो जाते। फिर बच्चे बोलते, मुझे चाहिए एक सपना जिसमे दोस्तो संग में खेलूं दिन रात क्रिकेट अपना, फिर भी मम्मी से मिले प्यार ओर पापा से ना पड़े मार फिर दूसरा बोला, मुझे चाहिए एक सपना जिसमे मेरे पास हो बहुत सारा खिलौना, नाचता बंदर, तेज चलती कार, गुड़िया हो बेशुमार, फिर बड़े बोले मुझे चाहिए एक सपना जिसमे मै जाऊं वादिओं के पार, घर हो वहां मेरा, ना गाड़ियों का हो शोर ना हो काम मेरा, बैठे चुस्की लूँ चाय की और सो जाऊँ बेशुमार। किसी ने कहा जाना डिजनीलैंड,  किसी कहा जाना चांद के पार ।  गुब्बारे वाला बोला," हाँ हाँ! ले लो सपना कैसा - जैसा भी, सपने ही तो देने आया।", "एक दिन जी सकोगे सपना अप...

I am writing this blog to make a peace with myself to get a feeling of  satisfaction  of completing a task from my checklist..  It was bothering me inenvitabily from a month but right now i feel i can share my journey with people in bits and pieces.. i.e how i am dealing with stress, depression, anxiety, sadness, loneliness...  This words are not just fine feelings but problems to deal with it which i know many people must be dealing better than me...  But one's journey cannot be compared with other one...   To start with i can say from past a month i was just laying down on bed and was doing nothing other then my day to day course i.e binge watching netflix all day along, Eating my favourite food to feel good, applied for jobs with no luck,  joined online workout classes for 20 days but completed only 14 with zero results...  Which i dont feel like doing it any more... Zero motivation Its hard to push yourself to move when u dont feel...

Demon of fear i see in dark, is it there or just passed?  I can see him watching me with his white glowing eyes,  Smiling at me and waiting for me to pass by, I can't hear him nor i can understand him, But i can still feel the fear of him inside my heart. I can feel him standing next to me, staring the emptiness of my heart,  Waiting for the right time, to barge Taller and powerful then me in dark,  When i ask him what he want's, he gulps the light and ask my soul to be at his lasts I can feel the warmness in his breath,  Breaking my body in cold with sweat,  I feel the dulness and impuissant of my soul, More i stare at him more he grows, Increases my breath with every second it go, He touches my cheeks and i feels apart, Nothing i could i do then runaway from dark, He tries to grab my ankle but i shake and runaway too far I feel light in the light.. Thinks,  Who is the demon in dark?  Will be answered in next part.. DeePika 👿 Follow...

            Pic : pinterest Today was the most anxious day for me in last 20 days... I felt it was my test for the practices i was doing from past 3 months to control my anxiety and  now i feel that i just passed from passing marks and that to be with the help of my close friend. 🤪 Since morning i was anxious because of the hot weather and weight but when i met my friend it calmed down but suddenly anxiety got accelerated in evening when it got dark and i was alone in room hiding behind the door. At that moment i got to remember one of the childhood memory where my grandma and paternal uncle hid me and my younger sister in a room to save us from our father's scolding. I dont remember what we did but i do remember that i came down to grandma and i asked her to save us from papa's scolding and she just hid us inside the room and asked us not to make any noise and be quite. Then my father came down angrily and asked her to give the room keys ...

This topic came into my mind when i met one of my aunt from extended family this rakhi. Since morning she was sharing her stories with other ladies of our family on how to lose weight,  how she lost weight and even  now its time everyone should lose weight and few inches from here and there. As she has lost 12 kg in two months. It should be inspiring not making other people target or conscious of their weight and flesh. This discussion raised few questions in my mind like,  Why weight loss and beauty is such a hot topic among ladies?? Why cant we be satisfied and accepted by people as we are or what we have?  And this further made me think that, families are the first and foremost one's who criticize us on the basis of our size, height, color, language since childhood. Then comes our friends teachers and colleagues. First, they build insecurities in our mind for our personality and physicality and then later in life they ask why you are like this? Why don't you ...

चित्र : कावेरी  गोपालकृष्णन द्वारा बनाया, स्ट्टोरी वेेेेबर से लिया गया।  सुबह के 3 बज रहे है और कुछ देर पहले एक वीडियो देखा जिसमें 2 कोविड के मरीजों को सड़क पर मरने के लिए छोड़ दिया गया। पुलिस खड़ी है पर सिर्फ तमाशा देख रही है और वीडियो पे यह ना लिखा हो की बिहार की है तो बिहार और किसी ओर राज्य में फर्क करना मुश्किल हो जाएगा। सिर्फ शहरो के नाम बदल रहे है पर हालात वहीं है हर जगह के।   वैसे भी आज कोविद के मरीजों की हालत देख के तिलमिला जाते है पर ये तो हरोज़ होता था पहले और अब भी हो रहा है , अब से 4 महीने पहले भी ऐसे ही लोग गरीबी, बीमारी, भुखमरी से मर रहे थे। तब फर्क नहीं पढ़ा तो अब क्यों? क्यूंकि अब खुदपे बात आ गई? वैसे इन सब के ज़िम्मेदार आप सब खुद है और सबसे पहले तो वो गरीब खुद है जो पैसे या एक शराब की बॉटल के लिए अपना वोट बेच आ जाता है। उसे कोई फर्क नहीं पड़ता कि कौन सरकार में आता है और कौन नहीं। जब आपको लगता है कि कोई वोट देने लायक नहीं तो नोटा को ही दबा आया कीजिए , इससे आपका वोट खराब नहीं हो रहा बल्कि आप बता रहे है सरकार को कि आपको यह उम्मीदवार पस...

A soul is trapped in an open cage Waiting to be set free, Body gets whatever it needs But peace is what it seeks, How lazy it may seems But motivation is what it seeks, Living life without the meaning But Identity is what it seeks, Sad it may sound Happiness is what it seeks, Idle it may look Privacy is what it seeks, How Slow it may go Time is what it seeks, Lonely it may get Love is what it seeks, How easy the journey it may seems Winning a struggle is what it seeks, How hard it may get and Fight is expected everyday But rest it what it seeks, How angry it may sound Understanding is what it seeks, How heavy the soul is Freedom is what it seeks, Tied to the chain of thoughts Truth is what it seeks, How rebellious it may seem But freedom is what  I seeks.       Painting: free soul By: Arpita das gupta,        kolkata. Website : mozarto.com DeePika❤️🌼 Follow me on Instagram: deepikaselflove

Today, in morning while having  glass of water and listening to my playlist to calm my anxiety at that same spot in balcony😉 one of Shiva song got played and it brought instant smile on my face. It reminded  me of the time when i saw him first in my nani house resting in a corner with eyes closed and red dim light was falling over him with the nice agarbati fragrance in the room. I was amazed, curious, and wanted to know more about him. For me it was a beautiful statue smiling at me. Then i asked my mom what is this?? What  does nanaji  do every morning in front of him?? she explained  me patiently that "He is  God Shiva. We thank him like this for all the good things and ask him to keep it that way" then i asked her curiously  "Can we please take him home with us?? i like it" mom said " No, it belongs to nanaji , i will bring you the another one" and then to end my curiosity i learned about him from my parents, in my school, in t.v serial and obseeve...

Right now, its drizzling here & honestly speaking i love this light tiny drops falling over my body  more then heavy rainfall. While sitting on my chair at my favourite spot in balcony i am observing few things around me  like it's 7 :40 in evening and obviously its not quite here. So few children are playing cricket on their terrace, in one house right next to me  two ladies are gossiping and keeping a close watch on people passing by  while hanging on their balcony railing, birds are chirping, calling their love ones to get back home and wind is blowing in each direction and making this green plants placed next to me  move back and forth with full of enjoyment and happiness. Same goes with two trees that i can see  in front  of me dancing slowly left to right and in between hugging each other and when this drizzling stops it make the sky and  colours of nature bright and clear to see. Observing all this makes me reali...